NOTES FROM THE UNDERBELLY: I was addicted to a substance or behavior from ages 11 to 50. When my primary relationship was with a substance or behavior, I was spiritually bankrupt and my life was a dumpster fire. Today, by the grace of my Higher Power and hard work, I am free and sober. And … Continue reading NOTES FROM THE UNDERBELLY:
Suit up and show up. Even if you're scared shitless and fuck up badly. That's all anyone or the Universe can ask. And it's called courage. JM
Survival of the Privileged "In a toxic family system, the black sheep is often the person who sees through everyone else's bullshit." That statement fits me as perfectly as the pieces of a Stradivarius as it's crafted and assembled. Ian McKellan, playing James Whale (the retired director of the classic Frankenstein movie) in God's and … Continue reading Survival of the Privileged
THE SUFFERING IS REAL Untreated severe mental illness is a nightmare beyond anything that even the frightening and deeply macabre imagination of Stephen King could portray with its seemingly supernatural capacity to birth a horrific tale. As both a Stephen King fan and as one who has suffered untreated severe mental illness, I feel confident … Continue reading THE SUFFERING IS REAL
I CHOOSE TO REMEMBER THE LESSONS If it were somehow possible to "erase one's mistakes," as if the narrative of one's life was scrawled on some cosmic chalkboard, my erasures would emit so much dust that I would choke to death before I completed a fraction of the task. Alcoholism, a co-addiction, Bipolar Disorder, and … Continue reading I CHOOSE TO REMEMBER THE LESSONS
My Inner Critic: Visciousness Wrapped in Cruelty Inside Hatred "The critical inner voice is a well-integrated pattern of destructive thoughts toward ourselves and others. The nagging “voices,” or thoughts, that make up this internalized dialogue are at the root of much of our self-destructive and maladaptive behavior. The critical inner voice is not an auditory … Continue reading My Inner Critic: Visciousness Wrapped in Cruelty Inside Hatred
SPIRITUAL CANCER "The most paradoxical aspect of neurotic shame is that it is the core motivator of the superachieved and the underachieved, the star and the scapegoat, the righteous and the wretched, the powerful and the pathetic." -John Bradshaw, Healing the Shame That Binds You Toxic shame, transferred and indoctrinated into me by my primary … Continue reading SPIRITUAL CANCER
HARM REDUCTION: THUMBS UP As a recovering alcoholic and addict who works a program of one-day-at-a-time abstinence, I initially dismissed Harm Reduction as a serious approach to the ravages of addiction. But I have been around (and in) recovery for some time. Long enough to have seen many homeless individuals recycle through detox facilities over … Continue reading HARM REDUCTION: THUMBS UP
NO MATTER WHO GIVES UP ON YOU, NEVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF. My untreated Bipolar Disorder took me to lows I never imagined I could reach. Social stigma and the perception that I was an "undesirable" left me marginalized and ostracized. Our "winner take all, kick the vulnerable when they're down" system nearly eradicated me. … Continue reading NO MATTER WHO GIVES UP ON YOU, NEVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF.
I am a survivor of Bipolar Disorder, Alcoholism, and Porn Addiction. With the omnipresence of the omnipotent Higher Power of my understanding, I harmed many others, waged many battles, and very nearly destroyed myself. And to prove it, my soul, and parts of my body, are richly textured with scars -deeply carved fissures and chelations … Continue reading And I am grateful.