We are all winners of a lottery with incredibly steep odds just by virtue of the fact that we exist. While cultivating an attitude of gratitude for this blessing, and many others that are part and parcel of our daily lives, has been a crucial aspect of my recovery/stability/sobriety, and has lifted me out of … Continue reading FORTUNATE TO BE ALIVE
Intrusive Thoughts: Splinters in One's Psyche For what seemed an eternity (in reality it was "only" about 21 years), intrusive thoughts consistently attacked me with the ferocity of a pack of hungry wolves preying upon a defenseless herd of deer. My young Bipolar mind was plagued by them a good third to half of the … Continue reading Intrusive Thoughts: Splinters in One’s Psyche
TRUE BELONGING Like many people, I wasted years "fitting in." Ignoring not only my authentic self, I also denied my Bipolar Disorder and dual Addiction. Eviscerating myself spiritually, and torturing myself psychologically, I put myself through painful and self injurious social gymnastics to "be" the person I was "supposed to be" in order to fit … Continue reading TRUE BELONGING
You are not worth less. Act accordingly! Our society teaches us to compare, compete, judge, and qualify people based on material, physical, and external circumstances, conditions, abilities, and appearances. And some of us have these soul-mutilating beliefs stitched deeply into the fabric of our being by a shame-based family of origin. These pernicious lies inform … Continue reading You are not worth less. Act accordingly!
Social Anxiety is Emotional Hell. Once embroiled in this excruciating state of abject terror that I would fail, experience rejection, be mocked and judged, and lose the capacity to function in public altogether, shame and fear gripped me like a vise and infused my entire being -rendering me nearly paralyzed, and most certainly crippled. With … Continue reading
Many years ago (circa 1995), I read The Road Less Travelled, by M. Scott Peck. He was a reknowned psychiatrist who held several high level positions at both military and civilian psychiatric facilities. He once wrote, "After many years of vague identification with Buddhist and Islamic mysticism, I ultimately made a firm Christian commitment – … Continue reading Life is Difficult. Pain is Mandatory. Suffering is Optional.
Relating to Quasimodo: The Abject Suffering of Self Flagellation and Ruminations "The Flogging of Quasimodo" hits me at a very visceral level, as it taps into a wellspring of pathos, and a metaphorical empathy for the tragically miserable existence of Victor Hugo's protagonist. While I have not endured the abject suffering that Quasimodo did during … Continue reading Relating to Quasimodo: The Abject Suffering of Self Flagellation and Ruminations
(Living in a subculture that loves me unconditionally FOR my social "sins," this beautiful young lady's insight and experience touch and soothe my soul like a sudden cool breeze on a torturously hot summer day or like listening to a virtuoso performance of Mozart’s the Sonata No. 16 in C Major.) -JM A THANK YOU … Continue reading A THANK YOU LETTER TO THE HATERS
Hell is Porn Porn grabbed me by the balls at a very young age and has never let go. My Addiction to Pornography has dogged me relentlessly for years. Ever since I discovered the cocaine-like rush of a pornographic orgasm -one induced by masturbation to irresistibly seductive images of tantalizing women exposing themselves in ways … Continue reading Hell is Porn