Because of the shame that was deeply interwoven into the fabric of my being by the ones who raised me, I was psychologically at the mercy of my perception of how others viewed me, or thought of me, for quite some time.
To such a crippling extreme that I did indeed feel completely captive to other’s opinions, be they perceived or real, of me. My sense of self was almost 100% dictated by external influences -rising and plummeting at a moment’s notice.
I remember when I was about 11, I noticed a copy of W Somerset Maughham’s “Of Human Bondage” on my parent’s book shelf. I read it, thinking it would somehow provide me with a key to freedom. While it is phenomenal literature, unfortunately it provided no means of escape.
It wasn’t until years later, when I received help from Lynn Barnett (my first amazing behavioral therapist), CBT, and recovery oriented spirituality that I walked free from that Hellish prison and was caged no more.