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Social Anxiety is Emotional Hell.

Once embroiled in this excruciating state of abject terror that I would fail, experience rejection, be mocked and judged, and lose the capacity to function in public altogether, shame and fear gripped me like a vise and infused my entire being -rendering me nearly paralyzed, and most certainly crippled.

With God’s grace and every ounce of tenacity, I accomplished what needed to be done. But the emotional cost was staggering, as I would spend hours afterwards in a state of mental self flagellation. Torturing myself over and over again by replaying memories of what had taken place and how “incompetent and incapable” I had been.

The causes?

Premature exposure to vulnerablity, ridiculously high expectations set by toxic parents, shaming and shunning by toxic parents, conditional love based on performance, and Bipolar Disorder.

The mitigators?

CBT, years of practice and the acquisition of experience, strength and hope, talk therapy, 12 Step and Buddhist spiritual practices, affirmations, a support network, medication, exercise, and building self worth.

Love to all sufferers.

-JM

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