Silence Beats Drama Any Day
When I was in the throes of my untreated Bipolar Disorder and dual addictions, chaos and drama were near constant companions. Peace and serenity weren’t even remote considerations.
My nightmares of obsessive thinking, mental self-flagellation, self-hatred, resentments, anxieties, and the ever-present specter of Clinical Depression were mitigated and (seemingly) held at bay by my hypo-manic and manic efforts to stir things up -manufacturing a chaotic and dramatic environment for me and those around me.
Experiencing the frequent thrills, constantly putting out the firesvI caused, and fighting off hornets from the nests I kicked kept my bogeyman in the closet. Most of the time.
It was all aboard the JM Express. And with me running that train at full throttle, it was only a matter of time before there was a disasterous crash that left no one unscathed.
Years of therapy, medication, learning and practicing new coping skills, living a sober and healthy life, and living and practicing AA with my fellow Alcoholics have “conspired” to bless me with the priceless gift of a psychic shift, which involved profound, fundamental changes in my thoughts, behaviors, beliefs, and relationships.
As a result of that shift, I am no longer in the business of manufacturing drama. I no longer “need it,” nor do I enjoy it. The consequences and wreckage are expensive, and I am no longer interested in paying for them.
As Bill Wilson wrote in Emotional Sobriety, “I have been given a quiet place in bright sunshine.” And each day I do what I need to do to keep it. One day at a time.