A LETTER FROM A PORN ADDICT (TO A PORN ADDICT)

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A LETTER FROM A PORN ADDICT
(TO A PORN ADDICT)

Dear X,

When you feel tempted to act out, pull out this letter. If you are reading it, you are already preoccupied with thoughts of acting out and starting to feel the thrill of the pleasure. Please PAUSE and read this all the way through, as you are probably alone and preparing to get into your ritual that sets the table for your acting out.

You are no doubt blocking out the inevitable painful consequences and are rationalizing what you are about to do by convincing yourself that you are entitled to a reward, that you can control it, that you can use porn like other people, that no one will be hurt by it, and a host of other justifications.

Remember that every time you act out, you get the same results. Instant gratification followed by feelings of shame, guilt, remorse, and regrets. And it does harm others and makes your life miserable in multiple ways:

It robs you of your integrity

It causes you to worry about getting caught

It erodes the trust in your marriage

It can destroy your marriage (it did destroy one)

It causes you to go against your AA and Jesus following ways of living

It contributes to the exploitation of the women in the videos

It sets you up for a possible relapse into Bipolar Mania

It deprives you of sleep

It leaves you with an excruciating headache the next day

It leaves you too exhausted to enjoy truly important things in life

It decreases your productivity at work

It causes you to objectify women

It diminishes your ability to be intimate with your wife

It is progressive. As in the past, porn use will eventually lead to seeking out call girls

It diminishes your desire to have healthy sex with your wife

It corrodes your spirituality

It blocks your relationship with God

It violates God’s will

It hinders your commitment to rigorous honesty

Your addiction is seducing you with the promise of very temporary escape and instant gratification via a heavy dose of dopamine, followed by abject misery.

Figure out what you really need:

Love and acceptance

A healthy escape

Stress relief

Release of emotions

Resolution of anger

Use an outer circle behavior to get that need met. Do whatever it takes. Remember, you agreed you were willing to go to ANY lengths when you entered recovery.

You are lovable and worthwhile. You deserve to get your needs met in a healthy way. You are loved and accepted by your support network, wife, close friends, and sons.

Love,

X

Remember that you seek the *Promises* and not the **Bedevilments**. Acting out never works and will always lead to the Bedevilments.

Love yourself enough to reach out to someone, pray, read something spiritual, exercise, or take your meds and go to bed. Don’t act out. Even if your ass falls off.

And remember, acting out isn’t something you would do in front of anyone else, so it definitely isn’t the “next right thing.”

*Promises: “We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word Serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change, fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. -AA Big Book, pg 83

**Bedevilments: “We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn’t make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people.” -AA Big Book, pg 52

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