MONSTERS ARE REAL
“Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.” – Stephen King
Those of us with a mental illness and/or an addiction are painfully aware that there is no hyperbole here.
My Bipolar Disorder, Alcoholism, and Porn Addiction are monsters and ghosts dwelling within me. This trifecta of horror has been with me since I was eleven years old.
They tortured me mercilessly for many years. Ruthless, relentless, and pitiless, they dragged me through a dense thicket of thorny locusts that repeatedly impaled me with depression, mania, anxiety, terror, rage, resentment, shame, obsessions, mania, distorted thinking, self-medicating, and acting out in all manner of self-destructive ways.
My monsters were so hateful and viscious, and my ghosts were so frightening and ever-present, that I was driven to suicidal ideations twice and to three different emotional and spiritual rock bottoms. They damn near took me out of this world.
By God’s grace and hard work, I have discovered many different tools and modalities over the last 25 years that have armed me with the “weapons” I need to defend myself against these fiends.
Most people who don’t have mental illness or an addiction minimize the severity and lethality of these brutal disease. They are dead wrong.
My years of experiences with an SMI and dual addictions make me living proof that the image below (of the demon perched on the boy in his bed) is a powerful and apt metaphor for what we face every day.
Even with tools and recovery means, and after finding one-day-at-a- time sobriety, spiritual fitness, and stability, the monsters and ghosts lurk within us. Given the slightest opportunity, they will pounce and prey. And sometimes they win. 😔