“It’s Not Always the Other Person”
This little observation reached off of my phone’s screen, grabbed me by what little hair I have, and tugged sharply to give me an important reminder of one of the key components to staying stable and sober.
Blaming others to justify my toxic behaviors was a go-to for me when I was in the throes of untreated Bipolar Disorder, Alcoholism, and Porn Addiction. In order for me to get into recovery from my addictions and to escape the vortex of the distorted thinking of my Bipolar Disorder, I had to start taking responsibility for my shortcomings and for my part in problems with other people.
Along with all the other modalities that I apply to stay spiritually fit and mentally healthy, one day at a time, AA has played a huge role in my life, saving me from certain death, and giving me a way of life worth living.
And one of the AA tenants that helped me the most was to do the “searching and fearless moral inventory.” In the course of making this inventory, and sharing it with God and another human being, I was finally able to look at my roles in painful scenarios throughout my life and to recognize what my individual human shortcomings were.
I finally had an honest self-appraisal, which enabled me to make amends to those I had harmed and to “drop the rock” of my character defects. Meaning, accepting these defects and loving myself anyway, striving to act the opposite, and continuing to pray for my Higher Power to remove them.
This hard earned humility is easily lost, but I know how to get it back. And I know how vital it is to approach others as an equal, striving to do the will of my Higher Power. (The AA definition of humility).
It’s a whole lot easier to do this when I recognize that we are all flawed human beings doing the best we can with what we have.