Those of us who have survived a shame-based existence know how miserable and debilitating toxic shame is.
Renowned shame researcher, Dr Brene’ Brown, had this to say:
“We live in a world where most people still subscribe to the belief that shame is a good tool for keeping people in line. Not only is this wrong, but it’s dangerous. Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, depression, eating disorders, and bullying.”
It is a brutal existence for any of who have internalized and wholeheartedly believe repetitive, cruel messages. They are as withering to our self-esteem as the blistering July sun is to a grass seedling.
My experience from a young age was to be on the receiving end of shaming, bullying, and an empathy deficit that cut to the core of my very being and left me with a perncious belief that I was inept, uncoordinated, fat, unintelligent, incompetent, and cowardly. The perfect fuel for my Bipolar Disorder and Addictions.
One of the tropes I often heard was, “You could fuck up a soup sandwich!” When I was older and in recovery, a really good therapist pointed out that no such thing existed!
To inject some humor into a very painful topic, I did a little Googling and found that there are indeed soup sandwiches. Thank you, Campbell’s!
The recipes seem very straightforward, so I don’t see myself fucking them up today. But maybe when I was 5….
We all suffer from varying degrees of shame. If you are still experiencing it deeply and often, you might consider finding a good therapist and reading some of Brene’ Brown books and listening to her Ted Talks.